Joe Lavin's Humor Column
Department of Corrections
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Due to a computer glitch, yesterday's cover story about philanthropist Millard Jackson incorrectly stated that "Jackson was recently forced to register as a sex offender." That sentence should have read, "Jackson is happily married with two children." We are sorry for any misunderstanding that could have arisen from this error.
In Friday's crossword puzzle, the clue to 43 across should have read, "Yankee slugger Reggie" and not "Jackass in accounting who keeps hitting on me."
Thursday's edition featured an article about teacher Derek Hatley's arrest for selling drugs to his sixth grade students. In that article, his address was incorrectly listed as 63 Marburry St. instead of 59 Marburry St. Also, in the Friday article entitled, "Innocent man at 63 Marburry St. mistaken for drug dealer; Beaten senseless by angry mob," the color of the hospital the man was admitted to is white and not off-white as we indicated.
Yesterday's article entitled, "New Design makes paper easier to read" should have read, "Continued on page A6, column 3" and not "Continued on page Z245A, about a third of the way down across the page sorta towards the bottom."
Saturday's editorial cartoon featuring a pant-less Ted Kennedy should not have been anatomically correct.
Last Sunday's Daily Press included a front page article with the headline, "Daily Press wins prestigious journalism award." This was, in actuality, a bold faced lie with absolutely no basis in fact. The headline should instead have read, "Daily Press sued for libel a record 47 times last year."
In last Wednesday's edition, Mark Allen, a high-level aide to Senator Tyler Dill, was quoted as saying, "Strictly off the record, I would have to say that Senator Dill is definitely cheating on his wife. This is off the record, right? Good, because I'm sure he'd fire me in a second if I ever told you something like that on the record." These comments were, in fact, off the record and should not have been included in the article.
Yesterday, Senior Editor Michael Jacobs incorrectly indicated that he would be picking up his mother-in-law at the train station. His statement to his wife should instead have been, "I'm going down to the bar to drink all night, and then I'll stumble home and throw up on the lawn." Mr. Jacobs regrets the misunderstanding.
In Friday's early editions, the typographical error "and good riddance to the bastard" should not have been included in the obituary of Donald Jones of 14 Macalester Road in Everett. We would like to apologize to the family of Mr. Jones for this editing error and would like to assure them that such an error will not occur in any future obituaries of Mr. Jones.
In Sunday's Liquor World advertisement, the following text was inadvertently added: "Special offer for Daily Press employees! Buy one Smirnoff's! Get One Free!" Liquor World is offering no such sale, and we apologize for this mistake.
Earlier in this article, we wrote, "For the past 137 years, we here at the Milton Daily Press have prided ourselves on our commitment to excellence in reporting." That is, in fact, not true. We are deeply sorry for any confusion that such an error might have caused.
©1999 Joe Lavin